Thought it would be cool if we posted some jokes for Enrique to give him a laugh or at least a smile!!
All jokes are welcome but please remember we have younger fans on the board as well, so not too dirty NC girls please...lol
Beware of older men - they only get wiser!
A woman decides to have a face lift in preparation of her 50th birthday.
She spends £15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a Paper shop to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the shopkeeper, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am
'About 32,' is the reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into Morrison’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50 - today actually.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself.. She stops at a Chemists on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some toothpaste and asks the counter girl this same burning question.
The girl responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says……….
“I was stood behind you in Morrison’s” .......
Now that one is funny Jen!!
Now thats funny!!
Good one Diane.................lol
Great idea..grandkids and hired hands kids during the ranching days are following my dad around doing chores whose jeans are well a bit loose in the rear..Levis..and maybe dad's behind is a bit like E's LOL..like he jokes.
They keep sayin, " where's your butt, where's your butt?" Well dad is explaining what happened to the deer (buck) they got learning hunting and gun safety..the food, the leather, all used.
They say noooo to dad , WHERE IS YOUR BUTT??
OHHH he says MY BUTT!!! Well kids if a man has been married as long and worked as long as I have, you don't have much of one left.....LOLOLOL..good thing my mom was in the house,,,dinner would have been canned for a few days,,LOL...a real story joke...Aunty Sarah
lol - Nice Sarah - Thanks for sharig a personal joke !!
A food joke:
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
lol - Could see that one coming almost - Good one Vanessa : )