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Lets Tell Enrique Some Jokes to make him smile or Even laugh

Thought it would be cool if we posted some jokes for Enrique to give him a laugh or at least a smile!!

 

All jokes are welcome but please remember we have younger fans on the board as well, so not too dirty NC girls please...lol

 

I'll start........

 

Beware of older men - they only get wiser!

A  woman decides to have a face lift in preparation of her 50th  birthday.
She spends £15,000 and feels pretty good about the  results.
On her way home, she stops at a Paper shop to buy a  newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the shopkeeper, 'I hope you don't  mind my asking, but how old do you think I am
'About 32,' is the  reply.'
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little  while later she goes into Morrison’s and asks the counter girl the very same  question.
The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman  replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50 - today actually.'

Now she's  feeling really good about herself.. She stops at a Chemists on her way down the  street.
She goes up to the counter to get some toothpaste and asks the  counter girl this same burning question.
The girl responds, 'Oh, I'd say  30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While  waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same  question.
He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although,  when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman  was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands  under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you  are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets  the best of her.
She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go  ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel  around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and  he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs  them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says,  'Okay, okay....How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her  breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and  amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The  old man says……….

I was stood behind you in Morrisons” .......

Jennifer xo

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After being married for             thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while ... then             said, "You're

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J,             K."
She asks ...             "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful,             Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh,             that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just             Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and             the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his             testicles.........
 
Jennifer xo

Now that one is funny Jen!!

Now thats funny!!

Hahah, that is very funny Jenn!

Good one Diane.................lol

 

Jennifer xo

Great idea..grandkids and hired hands kids during the ranching days are following my dad around doing chores whose jeans are well a bit loose in the rear..Levis..and maybe dad's behind is a bit like E's LOL..like he jokes.

 

They keep sayin, " where's your butt, where's your butt?"   Well dad is explaining what happened to the deer (buck) they got learning hunting and gun safety..the food, the leather, all used.

 

They say noooo to dad , WHERE IS YOUR BUTT?? 

 

OHHH he says MY BUTT!!!  Well kids if a man has been married as long and worked as long as I have, you don't have much of one left.....LOLOLOL..good thing my mom was in the house,,,dinner would have been canned for a few days,,LOL...a real story joke...Aunty Sarah

 

 

lol - Nice Sarah - Thanks for sharig a personal joke !!

 

Jennifer xo

 A food joke:

What is the most damaging food?

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

lol - Could see that one coming almost - Good one Vanessa : )

 

Jennifer xo

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